Blue.

It’s a funny thing.  Well, not funny like “haha” although sometimes you need to laugh these things off.

I find it is like a shadow that stays with you.  Sometimes you see it and sometimes you don’t but you know it is there.  Lurking.  Some days you take a second look, thinking you could spot your shadow and other days maybe a quick step out of sync to try and lose it completely but no, it seems to stay attached.

Some days the shadow is long and daunting and other days it is so small it is nearly under your foot.  I like those days; those are great days.

People call me an extrovert but I know I’m an introvert.  I am typically outgoing, I have created a career where I need to be bright and bubbly and engaging every day.  Do you know how bloody hard this is to do?  It is an act, I have found that over the years, I have perfected the art of happiness.  I can look and sound like a ball of energy on the outside and on the inside its doomsday. More often than not I am barely able to keep my shit together.

But here is the kicker and I’m told it is a sin.  I’m proud.  I am full of pride… there you go. I said it.  I won’t let myself get beat down.  I have a big beautiful family and partner who simply delicious so how could I let myself get beaten.  I find I pick myself up for them more than myself so would not like to think about what would happen if they weren’t around.

I exercise and eat well.  But it is my short bursts of writing that give me small perks.  I already feel better.

Yay for me.

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